“That which we avoid will tyrannize us most.” – Sigmund Freud
I used to think it was my lack of devotion that tyrannized me the most. Then I thought it had to do with my inability to keep the rules. I later became convinced that I was tyrannized because I was suppressing some kind of special “call” on my life. After a while, pretty much everything about myself tyrannized me –especially the ugly, sinful parts (which seemed to be pretty much all of me).
As it turned out, that which tyrannized me the most was not my failures, but my lack of accepting myself. Ironically, "accepting myself" was the very thing I was told NOT to do growing up in the church.
But it was only when I came face-to-face with Grace did the tyranny stop; enabling me to finally receive that which I had avoided most–the grace of God.
What might be tormenting you, causing you guilt and self-condemnation, may not be your sordid past or your spiritual apathy or your struggle with sin–but your sprinting from grace.
Sigmund Freud was right I think when he said, "that which you avoid will tyrannize you the most."
What's really tyrannizing you? It might be that which you've been avoiding your whole life.
“Before we can surrender ourselves we must become ourselves, for no one can give up what he or she does not first possess.” - David Benner, The Gift of Being Yourself